Milio's is Sick and Depraved

Let's get one thing straight: restaurants -- even fast food joints -- need to focus on providing something we can't all do at home. I mean, let's say that what I really need is fish and chips. Let's just say that's what I need right now. I can fire up the oven (we don't have a deep-fryer, thank God), and bake up some Gordon's fish sticks and Ore-Ida fries. This will be a sad and pathetic attempt at the Great National Dish of the United Kingdom, so instead I of trying to accomplish this meal on my own, I will head over to Brit's Pub and let the English do it for me while I sip on a pint of Strongbow.

Or, let's say that it is absolutely essential that I have a gyro. I can't even begin to make something like that at home (since my first name isn't Basil and my last name is LaFaveadopulous), so instead of trying, I'll jump in the car and blaze across the city at Top Speed until I find myself at the door of Dino's Gyros up in Falcon Heights.

Now, let's say I want a sandwich, and let's say also that for some reason I don't want to make it myself. Let's say I want something special out of my sandwich experience, something like... I don't know... a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich or a Meatball Hoagie. These are things that, while I could probably pretty easy accomplish them in my own kitchen, it's better to get from somewhere else. So when I go to a sandwich shop, I expect them to be doing things that are in some way extraordinary.

This is where Milio's Sandwiches fails MISERABLY.

They make the following sandwiches: a ham sandwich, a turkey sandwich, a roast beef sandwich, a tuna sandwich, a veggie sandwich and an outrageous conflagration of meats that amount to an Italian cold-cut sandwich. Then, they add lettuce and slices of tomato. Sometimes, they include cheese or sprouts. For an extra kick, they break out the Hellman's mayonnaise. All of this sandwich magic is contained inside the bread of your choice: a white sub roll, a wheat sub roll, or regular-ass wheat bread.

All of these sandwiches could be easily made by you (or by me) at home, using ingredients that are readily available at any grocery store. I hate things like this. How lazy do you have to be to not make your own regular sandwich? That this place is a damn chain shows us just how lazy we are. God bless America, where you can either make your own sandiwch or pay somebody five bucks to make it exactly the same way you would.